Top Menu

AOC and Others Praise Release of New Firearm

Recently, we received the latest home defense offering from a well-known and beloved firearm manufacturer. Our legal advisors say we can't name the company just yet, but officials will reveal that information soon. But we can tell you the firearm is called “The Blaster.”


Apple received a complementary FFL from the government and is the sole distributor of “The Blaster.” Crowds lined up outside a store in New York for a chance to be one of the first to purchase “The Blaster.”

News of the NB12, dubbed “The Blaster,” has already made an enormous splash, creating some new pro-gun converts. Here are just a few quotes from people who have seen “The Blaster.'

“Finally a gun that my Comrades and I feel safe with the proletariat owning” – Rep. Sandy Cortez

“Jill keeps one in my diaper bag…” – Pres. Joseph Biden

“Heck yeah, I'm coming for your NB12s because I want more than just one. It's light, hip and perfect for me to carry when I'm riding my skateboard to my Spanish language classes” – Robert “Beto” Francis O'Rourk

“We can make tons of money selling these babies to groups in the middle east” – President Hillary Clinton

Let's jump into our review of this revolutionary firearm.

The NB12 —

The first thing that stands out to the user is the plastic construction.

“Shouldn't this thing be polymer?” I can hear you asking.

You're right to ask.

Conventional wisdom says it should be polymer. However, to keep this gun priced in the $30.00 price range the company went with new material.

But from what we uncovered, the material is some Space Age graphene-infused plastic. In addition, rumors mention the material may include some formulation designed at Area 51 labs.

The next thing you notice is the overall size.

Concealability is something we evaluate at

Very few people, besides NBA players, can physically carry the NF12 without noticeably (laughable) printing. But for pretending you are defending your house against aliens, it's perfect.

brick wall

We're not sure if an NB12 created this hole, but it could have.

Legally, it probably falls into the same area as Mossberg's Shockwave or Remington's Tac-14, the ATF changes definitions often, so who knows?

There is one new, exciting, and eyebrow-raising feature here.

The Blaster earns its name, delivering a whopping 68.58mm projectile- meaning the NB12 fires the largest projectile of any non “weapon of war” available today.



Cosmetics —

The civilian version of the gun is brightly colored, making it a terrific fashion accessory. There is a restricted “black edition” that is the same gun but painted black. The black color makes the gun 14 times more dangerous, and so is only available for law enforcement and security details pledged to provide 24/7 protection to lawmakers and their families.

The company hinted that there may be plans to release a version equipped with an N95 mask, for other people's safety.

Lastly, the grip and trigger —

The grip fits the human hand well.

Given the manufacturer's track record for less-than-optimal ergonomics, I'd say the NF12 signifies a significant improvement in this category.

nerf blaster

A photo of the new Nerf Blaster.

However, I am less than impressed with the trigger's feel. I can best describe it as truly awful.

It's gritty and crunchy with no clearly defined wall, and the takeup seems to vary from shot to shot.

Accuracy —

Accuracy is nothing to write home about. The Blaster shoots minute-of-barn-door all day long. However, that isn't necessarily bad because the projectile is larger than a 9mm and makes big holes. In addition, ballistic testing shows the missile has almost as much “knock-down-power” as a .45 shot from a 1911, drawn from a Unkle Mike's cross-draw holster.

The maximum effective range on The Blaster is a paltry 25 meters due to the large size of the 65.58mm projectile.

The full potential of this cartridge is unknown since it is so new. However, Elon Musk thinks this is the projectile of the future, so we obviously agree.

In Conclusion —

In my opinion, the single-shot capacity and shabby trigger make the Nerf NB12 tennis ball blaster an exceptionally poor choice for the defense-minded shooter. However, it is a fantastic choice for gun grabbers who just want the appearance of safety.
This post is clearly satire.
But what isn't, is the fact that gun owners need to be responsible for how they use and store their firearms.
We have an entire library of training content to help make you safer and more proficient with utilizing a firearm as a defensive tool. In addition, we offer a free course called Gun Safety that is perfect for someone new to firearms or someone who has been around guns, but never received any formal instruction on best practices for safety and handling of firearms.
gun safety

, ,

One Response to AOC and Others Praise Release of New Firearm

  1. Jody January 3, 2022 at 6:04 pm #

    That was great! I thought I was reading The Babylon Bee.

Leave a Reply

All comments are moderated to ensure compliance with our community guidelines